Rough Draft Close Reading

The close reading I am going to analyze is from Let the Northern Lights Erase your Name by Vendala Vida. This close reading starts off with the section labeled “Family Portrait about Altar” on page 65, and with the first paragraph on page 67 of Vida’s book. Clarissa is a troubled character whose actions can relate to an overall theme of running away. These problems are deeply rooted in her childhood, and they are even hereditary with her mother having similar life experiences.
In this passage, Clarissa is leaving the hotel room to escape to her next location. Clarissa leaving is not uncommon for her, and is what she learned from her mother. As Clarissa was leaving, she did not bother to wake Kari who was on the ground from the night before. Kari was in need of some help, even if it was just as simple as getting him on a comfy surface. This is similar to the situation that Clarissa’s mom left. She ran off without even bothering taking care of her mentally challenged son who needed her, and leaving Clarissa stranded at a mall. The lack of concern for other people’s well being was passed down to Clarissa from her Mother.
In the next paragraph, where Clarissa’s is explaining her quick hygiene, she refers to it as a “whore’s bath” (67). This is a term that her mother told her about. I am slightly confused of the mothering skills Clarissa’s mom had, because using the term “whore’s bath” does not seem appropriate when talking to your young daughter, let alone explaining it. It is sad that in a sense, Clarissa degrades herself to the status of a prostitute for her actions from the night before. She realizes that what she did was out of character and not appropriate. Her sneaky exit from the hotel room was similar to what her mother did at the mall. She left without a trace, and is exactly what she did to Pankaj.
As Clarissa walked outside, she notices the snow. Vendela Vida uses a lot of similes and metaphors, and this is an example of one. She refers to the snow as “baby powder,” which could be foreshadowing her pregnancy with Pankaj. At the end of this paragraph, Clarissa points out that she “felt comforted by the steady sound of its one good wheel bumping over cobblestones” as she pulled her suitcase (67). This could be mirroring Clarissa’s journey as she tries to find her father. She has only one good wheel left, similar to one hope left, and it was on a bumpy road. It can foreshadow how Clarissa’s future will be.
Then a taxi stopped in front of Clarissa, and she thought it was for her. This resembles the false fathers that she has and soon will encounter. She thinks that the taxi/fathers are hers, yet soon finds out that she is wrong. Clarissa was disappointed in both of those situations. Then, when the couple came out of the car, they set down empty beer bottles, and one fell over and crashed. This could be showing her life, how it is on a quick spiral downwards ever since the death of her “father.” She is trying to organize her life, such as putting the beer bottles in order, but something will fall apart.
Clarissa then goes to the train station to get directions and a ticket. While trying to find a place on a map, she says “[She] hadn’t been looking far enough north” (68). I thought this was very clever of Vida because it incorporates the title of the book, Let the Northern Lights Erase your Name. She reaches her goal by looking north, to the sky, to the northern lights, to eventually get some closure to her situation. She then proceeds on to kick a pigeon away from her foot, and gets some sort of satisfaction from it. This seems odd to want to hurt someone, but she maybe needs to feel in control of a situation and to put harm on someone since she has been hurt so much in the past. She may be displacing her anger, frustration, and sadness onto something that has nothing to do with her experience to make herself feel better and to let out some emotions.
The train is called “The Santa Claus Express.” I thought this was a fitting name because Christmas is all about happiness, presents, and family. Clarissa was trying to find her happiness and regain family by finding her real father. This train was going to lead her to the best present that she could receive, or so she thought at the time.
While on the train, Clarissa meets her sleeper-mates that were smoking right in front of her. She gets very upset to the point of almost tears at these men. This is another example of displacement of feelings that Clarissa has deep inside of her that she expresses to innocent bystanders. The amount of emotion that Clarissa does have is overwhelming, and a breakdown seems inevitable. She then looks out the windows and sees vibrant colors, and relates them to a children’s book. This is relating back to her childhood, because all of her problems with life started there. Her mother left her, and she is now revisiting memories of her and her “father,” because she feels like he was not her legitimate dad. Children’s books also have happy endings, and I feel like Clarissa’s is yearning a happy ending to her own sad story.
The novel then proceeds to say “The farther north we traveled, the darker it grew. By three o’clock, it was already night” (69). This again relates to the title of the book, and can possibly relate to the news she is about to receive about her first fake father, Eero. The closer she gets to him, the darker it gets outside, which is communicates the dimming of her dream to find her father.
In the next section, she is waiting in the train station and lies down. She “slept with [her] purse held close to [her], like an infant. On a nearby bench, a woman slept with her baby held close to her, like a purse” (70).This is again alludes to her pregnancy, even though at this point she is unaware that she is with child. Clarissa brings up motherhood, children, and infants many times throughout the novel because of the constant thought of her mother, and how poor of a mom she was to Clarissa and Jeremy. The childhood reference is again brought up in the next paragraph when Clarissa is watching children go off to school.
Clarissa then looks at a magazine and sees a man on the cover, and fantasizes about how good of a father this man would be. She continually looks at her father that raised her in a bad light because he is not her biological father. She does not appreciate the fact that he was there for her Clarissa’s whole life. She also resents Eero, whom she thinks is her real father, because he was out of her life for so long. Nothing is satisfying Clarissa, and she is searching for happiness in all the wrong ways.